I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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