dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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