And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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