once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There's always time for handjobs
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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