listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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