I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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