UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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