finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
