I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
