I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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