I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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