i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
