Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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