Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
