I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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