she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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