I love black thongs
Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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