I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
