HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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