Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
