you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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