It's like a parade of train wrecks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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