I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize