All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm bleeding and have questions
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
