so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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