Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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