there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
