Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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