Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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