I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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