apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
