I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
