you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
