I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
