WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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