glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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