literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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