Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
