He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
