So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Maybe he injected his testicle?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
