Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
