That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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