Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
