I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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