Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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