No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
