Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
