Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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