If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
