Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
