anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
