Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
