her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
