I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
