I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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