it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Rumble strips road head = magical
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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