wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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