Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
