Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
zippers are such a cool invention
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
