did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
