Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
