So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
