Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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