I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
