I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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