I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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