.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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