I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
