I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
