Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
