I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
