New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
